Eddie's Concubine

Eddie is a nightclub owner, owns the northern
 half of the town
 he can't see his toes past his belly, whenever
 he looks down
 but underneath his belly is a turquoise belt
 drives the women wild, it makes me melt
 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, you're lookin fine
 Eddie is my secret lover, although it's known
 through half of the town
 we wine & dine at Howard Johnson's, when the
 club shuts down
 and underneath his hairpiece is a clever mind
 he balances his wife and a concubine
 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, I wish you were mine
 But all's not fair in love & war and life as
 Eddie's concubine
 I refuse to take much more below the Mason Dixon line
 They say for richer and for poorer but what of
 Eddie's concubine
 We gets the scraps upon the floor below the Mason Dixon line...
 Eddie's concubine
 Eddie makes his wife work afternoons
 & gives me the evening shifts
 Eddie breaks up fights at the changing of the guard
 whenever we have our rifts
 and underneath is polyknit- a heart to match
 it never wrinkles in the wash- he's such a catch-
 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, I wish you were mine
 Eddie makes a pretty good living, stealing from
 the college bands
 Eddie pulls locals with the Skynyrd groups,
 but only serves the beer in cans
 Underneath his belt is a bribe for the cops
 He'll only hire girls if they take off their tops-
 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, your wife's on the line
 I swear I'm walking out the door
 if I remain his concubine
 I don't think I can take much more below the Mason Dixon line
 But alimony keeps you poor below the Mason Dixon line
 We'll feast upon the fatted boar
 if I remain his concubine... remain his concubine
 Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) Eddie says to lose some weight
 Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) then he'll set a wedding date
 Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) Eddie wrote a promissory note
 Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) Eddie said he'd buy me a boat
 This boat has nothing fun on board for me,
 the first mate concubine
 For Valentine's I got an oar
 while he controls his fishing line
 I'm feeling cheated and ignored
 it's me I'm Eddie's concubine
 and Jenny Craig is such a chore
 to rid myself of this waist line...
 but I'm his concubine
 Eddie is a nightclub owner, a man who runs a double life
 He says that when he sells his business,
 he promises he'll leave his wife
 but underneath his promise, he means later than sooner
 he just bought his wife a 32-foot schooner
 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, that should've been mine
 Eddie is a big fat liar, lying like a bearskin run
 Eddie took all his money to retire, I only got a Ziggy mug
 underneath my jacket is a loaded gun
 I think I'll just point and watch the piggy run.
 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, spare me your line
 I'm out of here I'm out the door,
 I'm through being his concubine
 I've got the Chevy four by four,
 and I can tow a boat just fine
 I'm driving East toward the shore,
 I'll trace the Mason Dixon line
 I'm no loser I'm no whore
 I'm through being his concubine... I'm not his concubine
 I'm not his concubine (She's not his concubine)