Everything That Glitters (Ain't Always Gold)

Aw man!
 Put that ol' dumb horn down
 Hey, Jazzy
 Jazzy
 Show this boy what some real music 'posed to sound like
 He-he-ha!
 1-2-3-4
 (*Jazzy Jeff starts scratching*)
 (Don't stop the rock)
 Now that's a record!
 Now that's a record!
 Go Jazzy, go Jazzy, go
 I want to be remembered for the songs that I sing
 Not only for the humor, but for the knowledge I bring
 To broaden the horizons of others is why I rap this
 Enlightening minds with my lyrical tactics
 In life everything ain't always what it seems
 But people are enchanted by things that gleam
 You know, bright fancy cars, big yachts and mansions
 On the beaches of Aruba with a girlie romancin
 Now I'm about to tell you a very artistic fable
 More fun than when you first got cable
 The moral to be learned from this story to be told
 Is that everything that glitters ain't always gold
 On July 11th I was sittin at home
 Talkin to my girlfriend Geena on the telephone
 Flippin through the newspaper checkin the news
 When I saw an advertisement for a Carribean cruise
 It said, 'Sunny skies and romantic nights
 On an incredible ship' - and I got hype
 It said it's like the Love Boat, baskin in the sun
 Promisin fun for you and for everyone
 I said, "That's dope! Baby, you're down?"
 She said, "Yeah, we could leave right now!"
 The very next day I put the check in the mail
 And one week later we were ready to sail
 The brochure said that the boat was large
 But it was nothin but a broken-down barnacle barge!
 And if it wasn't for my girlfriend, I wouldn'ta went
 Because the captain was a cross-eyed hunchback with a limp
 The cruise was paid for and the food was free
 So I said what the hell and set out to sea
 It didn't take long to notice something was wrong
 The ship was a mess and we were the only ones on it
 I didn't wanna panic, so I chilled for a while
 Till the captain pulled up to what we thought was a deserted isle
 We looked on to the beach and almost went bezerk
 We saw 300 natives with spears and grass skirts!
 The said, "Hung-a-dung-a-digi-dung-da-doa"
 I said, "Hey baby, I guess that means get off the boat"
 Their chief said they needed a human sacrifice
 I said, "Well, just take my girl - he-he - syke"
 I was jokin, but things got serious
 Their leader came out and he was curious
 He got in my face and his breath was the worst
 I said, "Hey baby, you got some mints in your purse?"
 His breath was stinkin with filthy brown teeth
 And two big crusty ashy hairy feet
 The worst thing, he had no toenail on his toes
 And a big Teradactyl bird bone in his nose
 I tried to reason with him, he wasn't with it
 He said, "Tenga-shanko," that meant 'forget it'
 He said, "Gunga-shang-tang-da-bong-da-boo"
 That meant 'tonight we're having Fresh Prince stew'
 Then I saw it - no, it's not
 The big Indiana Jones people cooking pot!
 I wanted to fight em, but there was no way to beat em
 I thought to myself, 'Where's Tarzan when you need him?'
 Just as they were contemplatin cookin us up
 We had a major struck of luck, a Navy ship pulled up
 The troops came off and they got us out of the pot
 And I said to the chief, "Yo, I get witcha, hops!"
 The guy that rescued us said, "I hate to tell you
 The captain of your ship, he had just escaped from Belview
 We've been following him and finally we got him
 We're sorry, there's no way that you can possibly get a refund"
 A thousand dollars and a weekend island drained
 But a lesson well learned, so let me explain
 There's a very important message that needs to be told
 It's that everything that glitters ain't always gold