All I Wanna Do Is Play Cards

Well, I guess I really oughta' be makin'
 Up songs but all I wanna do is play cards
 I know it's dumb and sick and wrong but all I wanna do is play cards
 I got the studio booked in Tennessee
 And my record producer's callin' me
 The tape will roll in just three weeks, and all I wanna do is play cards
 They wanna book the band for a rodeo dance, and all I wanna do is play cards
 The contract claims they got five grand, but all I wanna do is play cards
 My agent says we oughta take the show
 But to tell you the truth I don't wanna go
 There's a real good game of split high-low, and all I wanna do is play cards
 Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and cowboy pitch
 Blackjack, eight or better, hold 'em, draw, and chase the bitch
 Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black mariah
 Smear and low Chicago, man, the stakes keep gettin' higher
 Well, I could skate for free in the hockey league, but all I wanna do is play cards
 Tattooed young dark haired girls call me, and all I wanna do is play cards
 There's famous people'd like to write with me
 And the beer at the Black Dog's usually free
 The whole damn world's an oyster to me, and all I wanna do is play cards
 We're on the radio in El Paso, and all I wanna do is play cards
 Finally got a little bit of press and T.O., and all I wanna do is play cards
 They're buying the records out in Amsterdam
 There's rock tours booked in far-off lands
 But I'm feelin' kinda gambley, and all I wanna do is play cards
 Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and racehorse pitch
 Blackjack, eight or better, hold 'em, draw, and chase the bitch
 Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black mariah
 Smear and low Chicago, man, the stakes keep gettin' higher
 Get on, boys!
 I don't see much of my friends these days 'cause all I wanna do is play cards
 Except Whitey and Gravy
 They like a game, and all I wanna do is play cards
 My neighbor Brent says I got a problem
 But he don't know 'cause nobody taught him
 To bet the best when you know you got 'em
 And all I wanna do is play cards
 Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and cowboy pitch
 Blackjack, eight or better, hold 'em, draw, and chase the bitch
 Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black mariah
 Smear and low Chicago, man, the stakes keep gettin' higher
 Contract bridge and spades and whist and kings; little ones!
 Canasta, hearts and spite and malice, kings; make little ones!
 Whores and fours and one-eyed bores,
 House rules that ain't acknowledged
 And them games you learned at vet school and at agriculture college
 Chinese rummy, Greek manila, Omaha, Dutch chase
 Start 'em when they're young with fish and war and crazy eights
 Twenty-one and thirty-one and seven twenty seven
 Well if I don't play for money, hon, will I still get to heaven?
 Three card brag, three card monte, razz and deuce to seven
 Melding sets and red dog bets and counting cards with Kevin
 Between the sheets and screw your neighbor, let it ride, strip poker
 Old man on the corner, playin' pinochle with your girl, hey!