Bizarre Christmas Incident

Ho ho ho!
 Play it Grandpa.
 (Yeah, play it!)
 Let's tell them a little story
 about what happened this Christmas.
 (Yeah, tell them!)
 Christmas Eve
 I didn't get much sleep
 I kept hearing things
 heavy breathing from the chimney...
 who could it be?
 (I'll tell you what it was...)
 (What happened then, Ben?)
 (Yeah, what happened?)
 Well, I went back to sleep...
 (You went back to sleep?!)
 (Shit!)
 Tired man, went back to sleep.
 and in the morning
 I couldn't believe my eyes
 a whale of a corpse with a long, white beard
 was dangling over the fire
 (ha ha ha!)
 oh, Santa, he's a big, fat fuck
 went down the chimney, got his fat ass stuck
 oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
 'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass
 hey, hey, hey!
 (hey!)
 Okay Grandpa, step up.
 Sing in this thing right here.
 Tell them what you saw,
 tell them what you saw, Grandpa!
 I gotta tell you folks
 he wasn't wearing no clothes
 (No clothes?!)
 he must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco
 from his back, down to his toes
 while I was talking to the cops outside,
 the dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
 they hauled him away in a double-wide
 what a sad, sad way to die
 Santa, he's a big, fat fuck
 went down the chimney, got his fat ass
 oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
 Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass