Can't Not

I'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
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 I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation
 would I be letting you win in my non reaction?
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 how would I explain?
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 how would I explain this to my children if I had them?
 because I can't not
 because I can't not
 because I can't afford to be misread one more time
 would I be whining if I said I needed a hug?
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 would you feel slighted if I said your love's not enough?
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 how can I complain?
 
 how can I complain when i'm the one who reaches for it?
 because I can't not
 because I can't not
 because I cannot walk without my crutches
 because I can't not
 because I can't not
 because I can't help wonder why you ask me
 to all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard
 you think you're the right ones
 you think you're the charmed ones i'm sure
 how can you go on with such conviction?
 and who do you think you are why do you question me?
 because we can't not
 because we can't not
 because we can't help laugh at underestimations
 because we can't not
 because we can't not
 because we can't afford to be misled one more time
 because we can't not
 because we can't not
 because we cannot help without your willingness
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 why do you affect me? why do you affect me still?
 why do you hinder me? why do you hinder me still?
 why do you unnerve? why do you unnerve me still?
 why do you trigger me? why do you trigger me still?