The Mule Session

My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian
 My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean
 My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose
 And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's pantyhose, yeah
 I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!)
 Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got But I've got my mule
 He's a very, very nice mule
 He walks with me home from school
 Cause he's a very, very nice mule
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 When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel
 But now he prefers to dine on his own stool
 He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul
 Cause he's a very, very pious mule
 
 When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel
 On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul
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 He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel
 Cause he's a very, very Old school mule
 A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool
 He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool
 When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel
 He's a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul
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 And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel
 (coughing)
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 When I told him Halle Berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool'
 Cause he's a very, very monogamous mule
 (snoring) Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session's not over!
 After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul
 And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool
 
 His favorite Elvis song is 'Don't be Cruel', no it's 'Hound Dog'
 I was just kidding you