Thank God For Girls

The girl in the pastry shop with the net in her hair
 Is making a cannoli for you to take on your hiking trip in the woods
 With your bros that you've known since second grade and you
 May encounter dragons and ruffians and be
 Called upon to employ your testosterone
 In a battle for supremacy and access to females glued to the TV
 And even if you are victorious
 You may receive many cuts and bruises and scrapes and you will
 Require band-aids and antiseptic ointments
 And tender love and kisses on your stab wounds
 And when you come home she will be there waiting
 For you with a fire in her eyes
 And a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth
 And that's why you
 Thank God for girls
 Holla Jesu Christe
 From Tennessee to LA
 Thank God for girls
 On your reckoning day
 You better bow down and pray
 She's so big, she's so strong
 She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls
 Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
 Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
 Thank God for girls
 I'm so glad I got a girl to think of
 Even though she isn't mine
 I think about her all the day and all the night, it's a
 'Nuff to know that she's a-live, she says I
 Give her sweaty palms, she almost had a heart attack
 The truth is that I'm just as scared, I don't know how to act
 I wish that I could get to know her better, but
 Meeting up in real life would cause illusion to shatter, oh I
 I carved her name into all the trees
 I sang a song down on one knee
 Looking at the underwear page in the Sears catalog like when I was 14
 I'm levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around
 I'm like an Indian fakir tryin' to meditate
 On a bed of nails with my pants pulled down
 Thank God for girls
 Holla Jesu Christe
 From Tennessee to LA
 Thank God for girls
 On your reckoning day
 You better bow down and pray
 She's so big, she's so strong
 She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls
 Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
 Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
 Thank God for girls
 God took a rib from Adam
 Ground it up in a centrifuge machine
 Mixed it with cardamom and cloves
 Microwaved it on the "Popcorn" setting while Adam was like (woo hoo) "that really hurts"
 Goin' off into the tundra, so pissed at God
 And he started lightin' mighty forest fires stealin' osprey eggs
 Messing with the bees who would try to pollinate the echinacea
 Until God said "I'm a smite you with loneliness and break your heart in two"
 And Adam wept and wailed, tearing out his hair
 Falling on his knees, looked to the sky and said
 "Thank God"