Thirty

There was a time you put your hand on the small of my back
 I was surprised that you touched me like that
 But there in your hand was a current of life
 I could hardly stand, I stayed still and I didn't mention it
 If I did, I'd have made some joke of it
 It was strange how I could feel so sane
 So plain when you're around
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 And unbidden to me, there it rose, the fantasy
 Colored rose and easy
 Yeah, I could see it so simple, unsubtle, impossible, clearly and strange
 Far and as close as a mountain range on the horizon
 Driving all day, there I was, so sane
 So plain after everything
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 Gas came down from a buck-twenty
 The joke was how it broke the economy anyhow
 The dollar was down, but my friends opened businesses
 There were new children and again, I didn't get married
 I wasn't close to my family
 And my dad was raising a child in Nairobi
 She was three now, he told me
 Gas stations I laughed in
 I noticed fucking everything
 The light, the reflections
 Different languages, your expressions
 We would fall down laughing
 Effervescent
 And all over nothing, all over nothing
 Just as though it was a joke my whole life through
 All of the pain and sorrow I knew
 All of the tears that had fallen from my eyes
 I can't say why we walked in the park under the shade
 I avoided your eyes
 I was ashamed of my own mind
 No SSRIs
 My day is dark as your night
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 Oh, you got the kindest of eyes
 I cannot help but notice sometimes you know, as do I
 I cannot look twice without falling right into the sweet and the tender line
 Between something I can and can never be
 And just then an ambulance passed on the street
 And you took my arm reflexively
 That was the year I was 30
 That was the year you were 31
 That was the year that we lost, or we won
 That was the year I was 30
 That was the year you were 31
 That was that year, now here
 Now here is another one