War Is a Science

War is a science
 Which a general must use
 With stratagems and strategies
 Statistical analyses
 To know how many soldiers
 He's prepared to lose
 Now, gentlemen!
 This is the plan for tomorrow's skirmish
 The army of the enemy
 Is stationed on the hill
 So, we've got to draw them down here
 Where they're easier to kill
 So, you in the ravine
 That's the area in green
 Will move across the plain
 Where you plainly can be seen
 Then the enemy in blue
 Will undoubtedly pursue
 And we'll hope to keep your loses
 To comparatively few!
 And then!
 (And then!)
 And gentlemen, and then!
 And then the men go marching
 Out into the fray
 Conquering the enemy
 And carrying the day
 Hark, the blood is pounding in our ears
 Jubilations!
 We can hear a grateful nation's cheer-
 Pippin!
 Sit down immediately!
 Now, where was I?
 Ah, yes!
 A general accepts
 That war is hell or even worse
 He must never be too cautious
 Or casualty adverse
 I'm certain the majority
 Of blood that you will spatter
 Will be theirs, with just a minimum
 Of damage that's collateral
 But winner for success
 We must always pay a price
 That's why for my success
 You must sacrifice
 And then!
 (And then!)
 And gentlemen, and then!
 And then! The men go marching
 Out into the fray
 Conquering (Pippin!)
 The enemy...
 Sorry, father
 Well, now time is short
 I'll have to speed the whole damn thing up!
 
 Listen to me, men
 As I endeavor to explain
 What separates a charlatan
 From a Charlemagne
 A ruling of the generals
 Illustrious and various
 Though pompous as a Pompey
 Or daring as a Darius, ha!
 A little rule that every leader
 Knows by heart
 It's smarter to be lucky
 Than it's lucky to be smart
 And then!
 (And then!)
 And gentlemen, and then!
 
 Now, Pippin!
 Now!
 (And then the men go)
 (Marching out into the fray)
 (Conquering the enemy)
 (And carrying the day, ha-ha!)
 (The depth of blood is pounding in our ears)
 Jubilations!
 We can hear a grateful nation's
 
 Cheers!