Desperate

What the hell is wrong with me?
 I'm in a band, ladies can't you see
 Please don't judge me by the car that I drive
 Or the fact that I haven't had a date since '95
 Come on, don't go away
 Don't listen to your friends when they that I am gay
 I try so hard but I just can't get no play
 Don't have any STDs
 Come on, I'm begging on my knees
 Come on get close just ignore the fleas
 We will take anything that walks . . .
 Because we're desperate
 I know I'm not a handsome man
 'cause I look like an ogre with a farmer's tan
 And every time the ladies see me and I'm walking their way
 They say, "Brian smells, everybody stay away"
 Oh ladies, can't you see
 I can't help it because I'm ugly
 But I'm in a band, don't that count for something
 Come on now, don't delay
 'cause if you don't call then I'll probably rent-a-date
 And my tab keeps rising, 'cause I do it every day
 Oh ladies, can't you see
 I'm in a band, why aren't you attracted to me?
 I don't care if you're underage
 Just as long as you'll be seen with me in a public place
 What's it gonna take? (What's it gonna take?)
 For you help me bake cookies?
 Doo-Wah-Doo
 'cause I need to know
 I'm all hot and ready
 And I got to go . . .
 Because we're Desperate
 Why oh why must I have this rash
 No girls talk to me they just step back
 Should I lift weights? Would that make me more sexual?
 Maybe wear glasses would that make me intellectual?
 Come on lets do it fast
 'cause I'm all hot and ready and it just wont last
 And I got 20 dollars what can I get for that?