Holding On To Smoke

I'm tired of feeling comatose
 I've lost the me that I loved most
 I'm barely holding on to smoke
 I'm barely holding on to smoke
 I'm not addicted but I'm not clean
 Why do I do this to myself on repeat?
 So disconnected from my own reality
 Am I man or machine?
 If I give, will you take?
 As I lie for the taste
 I just fuck it up
 And you lap it up
 (Go)
 Through flesh and bone
 I walk alone
 (Go)
 If I run, will I fade away?
 'Cause I don't wanna leave it behind
 In all my pride, all my shame
 I find strength enough to show you
 I may bend but I won't break
 Because I define who I
 Define who I become
 I'm just the me that I have not met
 Choking in silence on the words left unsaid
 I feel a sickness for a home I've never been
 And I exist in black and white but now I'm seeing red
 I built a shelter in complacency
 Locked myself in and set fire and threw away the key
 So scared to live and I'm afraid to die
 So am I living or am I just alive?
 All my pride, all my shame
 I find strength enough to show you
 I may bend but I won't break
 I define who I become
 'Cause I'm tired of feeling comatose
 I lost the me that I loved most
 I'm barely holding on to smoke
 But I'm holding on, I'm holding on
 Broken, I'm holding on
 Chosen to right the wrong
 Silence, connected yet I feel so separated
 Falling through flesh and bone
 Frozen, I stand alone
 Chosen to silence, the voice remains
 In my eyes beneath my rage
 I was struggling to get through
 Out of time and out of faith
 I define who I become
 In all my pride, all my shame
 I find strength enough to show you
 I may bend but I won't break
 'Cause I define who I
 Define who I become
 I'm tired of feeling comatose
 I've lost the me that I loved most
 I'm barely holding on to smoke
 But I'm holding on, I'm holding on
 I'm tired of being human, tired of being numb
 I'm waiting for the holy ghost to come
 So save me from the webs that I have spun
 I'm holding on, holding on
 I'm holding on, holding on to smoke