Who I Was

I just want to know what happened
 And what do you think that will get you?
 Sleeping through the night. Closing a chapter
 You know what I want even more?
 Is to be just who I was before
 Self assured
 Future all secured
 That was Julia
 Quick to trust
 Saw the world as just
 That was Julia
 Full of promise and full of poise
 Hardly any of which this
 Shopgirl now employs
 But I muddle through
 Easy smile
 Avid cinephile
 That was Julia
 That was Julia
 Before being branded a gold star wife
 A distinction that's redefining
 My whole life
 Well, it feels like it does
 I feel guilty because
 There are days when I just want to be
 Who I was
 I'm not saying I'd trade
 The life that I had
 With him for a minute
 That was once in a lifetime love
 And I know I was lucky to win it
 And I'm told to be proud
 All the news reels and magazines
 Practically shout it
 But I'm never allowed
 To admit that there is nothing
 Remotely heroic about it
 And you know I would never be able
 To say that away from this
 Dining room table
 Not a doubt how her life plays out
 That was Julia
 All of the details of who I am
 Made irrelevant with one
 Single telegram
 That's what widowhood does
 I resent it because
 There are days when I just want to be
 Momentarily free
 And happily
 Who I was