If I Told You Who It Was

I was down in music city 'bout a week ago
 I wanted to see the Grand Ole Opry show,
 So I hailed a cab and I headed down to Opryland
 They said they sold their last ticket the day before,
 So I kinda just hung around the backstage door
 And down the steps she came, man oh man
 My favorite female country star,
 She waved to her fans and headed for her car
 Her tire, unlike her body, was very flat
 She said, could you change my tire
 I said your wish is my desire
 As she raised the lid, I grabbed her bumper jack
 She said I sure do appreciate ya changing my tire
 If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
 You'd say I was making it up
 You've seen her on the screen and in country magazines
 You'd think I was making it up
 She said it was our little secret and by golly, I'm gonna keep it
 Anyway you wouldn't believe it if I told you who it was
 She said you need a lift and I said well,
 You can drop me of at the York motel,
 So we headed down Briley Parkway into town
 I told her I got all your records ma'am,
 She smiled and said well I be damned
 Say, you're kind of cute fella, wanna mess around?
 When we got to my room just to be polite
 I said sure wish I could've heard you sing tonight
 She smiled at me and said whatcha wanna hear?
 Now if I was one of them country music folks
 I tell you,
 she'd sure get my vote for the best performance of the year
 If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
 You'd say I was making it up
 You've seen her on the screen and in country magazines
 You'd think I was making it up
 She said it was our little secret and by golly, I'm gonna keep it
 Anyway you wouldn't believe it if I told you who it was
 Well I tell you this much,
 When I put my arms around her and squeezed her real tight
 She looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes,
 Took a deep breath, and then sighed, and said
 Howdy I'm just so proud to be here
 If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
 You'd say I was making it up
 You've seen her on the screen and in country magazines
 You'd think I was making it up
 She said it was our little secret and by golly, I'm gonna keep it
 Anyway you wouldn't believe it if I told you who it was