Language Or the Kiss

I don't know if it was real or in a dream
 Lately waking up I'm not sure where I've been
 There was a table set for six and five were there
 I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair
 And there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
 Laughter like a language I once spoke with ease
 But I'm made mute by the virtue of decision
 I choose most of your life goes on without me
 Oh the fear I've known
 That I might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my own
 All I've sown was a song
 But maybe I was wrong
 I said to you the one gift which I'd adore
 Unwrap a package of the next 10 years unfolding
 But you told me if I had my way I'd be bored
 Right then I knew I loved you best born of your scolding
 When we last talked we were lying on our backs
 Looking up at the sky through the ceiling
 I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway
 Trying to read the greek upon the stars the alphabet of healing
 Oh I knew back then
 It was a calling that said if joy then pain
 The sound of the voice these years later is still the same
 I am alone in a hotel room tonight
 I squeeze the sky out but there's not a star appears
 Begin my studies with this paper and this pencil
 And I'm working through the grammar of my fears
 Mercy what I won't give
 To have the things which mean the most not to mean the things I miss
 Unforgiving the choice still is
 The language or the kiss