You Never Even Called Me By My Name (The Perfect Country & Western Song)

Well, it was all that I could do to keep from cryin'
 Sometimes it seemed so useless to remain
 But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
 You never even called me by my name
 You don't have to call me Waylon Jennings
 And you don't have to call me Charlie Pride
 And you don't have to call me Merle Haggard anymore
 Even though you're on my fighting' side
 And I'll hang around as long as you will let me
 And I never minded standin' in the rain
 But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
 You never even called me by my name
 Well, I've heard my name a few times in your phone book
 (Hello, hello)
 And I've seen it on signs where I've played
 But the only time, I know, I'll hear "David Allan Coe"
 Is when Jesus has his final judgment day
 So I'll hang around as long as you will let me
 And I never minded standin' in the rain
 But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
 You never even called me by my name
 Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song
 And he told me it was the perfect country & western song
 I wrote him back a letter and I told him it was not the perfect country & western song
 Because he hadn't said anything at all about mama
 Or trains, or trucks, or prison, or gettin' drunk
 Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sent it to me
 And after reading it I realized that my friend had written the perfect country & western song
 And I felt obliged to include it on this album
 The last verse goes like this here
 Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison
 And I went to pick her up in the rain
 But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
 She got run over by a damned old train
 And I'll hang around as long as you will let me
 And I never minded standin' in the rain, Lord
 But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
 You never even called me
 Well, I wonder why you don't call me
 Why don't you ever call me by my name?