X-M@$

Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
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 There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
 Gussied up with candy canes and balls
 Those carolers have kept me up for hours
 It's "Merry Christmas' seeping through my walls
 Now I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing
 But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
 It ain't Halloween, or Thanksgiving, or even April Fools
 But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
 Ha!
 If I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas
 You know where to stick those jingle bells
 If I ain't hammered it ain't Hannukah
 And all you motherfuckers go to hell
 If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
 Joy to the world and Jack and coked
 If I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas
 'Cause I ain't never anything but broke
 Now, every year the malls are just a madhouse
 Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
 Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
 And those colored lights are fucking infantile
 I think we collectively as the people
 Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
 And tell the world, "Let's buy some peace and quiet for a change"
 Before we spend it all on fucking toys
 Ha!
 So, if I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas
 You know where to stick those jingle bells
 And if I ain't hammered it ain't Hannukah
 Fa-la-la-la-la, go fuck yourself!
 If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
 Joy to the world of getting stoned
 But if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
 So, leave this goddamn scrooge the fuck alone
 Ha!
 Merry fucking christmas!