The Weaker Soldier

I once was a weaker soldier hanging in the war
 But I left, like an ape, folded neatly in four
 And silently played for a moment slow and bled
 On a sandalwood bust I had
 Where was the field where I had pressed another down
 Where I had revealed myself by crying and shouting?
 I turned away from that and into this black kettle of one-ness
 I have not been feeling the same
 I am not fit to carry your name
 I am not fit and I am not willing
 To go on
 Sold down the lane, in a way to restrain
 You from calling a name and then regretting
 If you save what you own, you are always alone
 And then why postpone the good death?
 We are those who break laws when the cold body thaws
 Who prefer breaking laws but must lower ourselves
 Unfit though we are to help you get very far
 Still we would never mar your rightful due
 I have not been feeling the same
 I am not fit to carry your name
 I am not fit and I am not willing
 To go on
 It was noon before she moved into the yard and pressed her hair
 With a hand yellowed, smooth, and shaking
 She had pulled on a housedress over nothing but her skin
 And stood in the grass looking about her
 You breathe in in here, and you've breathed of me
 My girl here, she loves you, she'll take you upstairs
 Call on me later, much later in life
 But do me a favour and leave her up there
 I have not been feeling the same
 I am not fit to carry your name
 I am not here and I am not going to be there