Under Control

Mom, I know I let you down
 And though you say the days are happy
 Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?
 And mom, I know he's not around
 But don't you place the blame on me
 As you pour yourself another drink
 I guess we are who we are
 Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
 Maybe we took this too far
 I went in headfirst
 Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
 My mom probably got it the worst
 The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are
 Did I take it too far?
 Cleaning out my closet and all them other songs
 But regardless I don't hate you cause ma!
 You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom
 Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam
 Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb
 Equivalent to Chemical warfare
 And forever we can drag this on and on
 But, agree to disagree
 That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me
 You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve
 (little prick just leave) ma, let me grab my fucking coat
 Anything to have each other's goats,
 why we always at each others throats?
 Especially when dad, he fucked us both
 We're in the same fucking boat
 You'd think that it'd make us close (nope)
 Further away that drove us, but together headlights shine
 A car full of belongings
 Still got a ways to go
 Back to grandma's house it's straight up the road
 And I was the man of the house, the oldest
 So my shoulders carried the weight of the load
 Then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old, and
 That's when I realized you were
 sick and it wasn't fixable or changable
 And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but
 I guess we are who we are
 Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
 Maybe we took this too far
 Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
 Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand baby's growth
 But I'm sorry mama for Cleaning Out My Closet, at the time I was angry
 Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, cause
 Now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
 That song I no longer play at shows
 and I cringe every time it's on the radio
 And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
 And all the medicine you fed us
 And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but
 Now the medications taken over and
 your mental states deteriorating slow
 And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though
 But ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo
 All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
 Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours
 But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangled web we have, cause
 One thing I never asked was where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
 Fuck it I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address
 But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
 Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
 Someone ever moved them from me? That you could bet your ass's
 If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them
 And although one has only met their grandma
 Once you pulled up in our drive one night
 As we were leaving to get some hamburgers
 Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
 And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me
 As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and
 I saw your headlights as I looked back
 And I'm mad I didn't get the chance
 to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad
 So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet
 I guess I had to get this off my chest
 I hope I get the chance to lay it fore I'm dead
 The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashing
 So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message
 That I'll always love you from afar, cause you're my mama...
 I guess we are who we are
 Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
 Maybe we took this too far
 I want a new life, (start over)
 one without a cause (clean slate)
 So I'm coming home tonight, well, no matter what the cost
 And if the plane goes down, or if the crew can't wake me up
 Well, just know that I'm alright, I was not afraid to die
 Oh, even if there's songs to sing, well my children will carry me
 Just know that I'm alright, I was not afraid to die
 Because I put my faith in my little
 girls, so I never say goodbye cruel world
 Just know that I'm alright, I am not afraid to die
 I guess we are who we are
 Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
 Maybe we took this too far
 I want a new life