Motorpsycho Nightmare

I pounded on a farmhouse, lookin' for a place to stay
 I was mighty, mighty tired, I had come a long, long way
 I said, "Hey, hey, in there, is there anybody home?"
 I was standin' on the steps, feelin' most alone
 When out comes a farmer, he must have thought that I was nuts
 He immediately looked at me and stuck a gun into my guts
 I fell down to my bended knees
 Sayin', "I dig farmers, don't shoot me, please"
 He cocked his rifle and began to shout
 "Are you that travelin' salesman that I have heard about?"
 I said, "No, no, no, I'm a doctor and it's true
 I'm a clean-cut kid and I been to college, too"
 Then in comes his daughter whose name was Rita
 She looked like she stepped out of La Dolce Vita
 I immediately tried to cool it with her dad
 And told him what a nice, pretty farm he had
 He said, "What do doctors know about farms, pray tell?"
 I said, "I's born at the bottom of a wishing well"
 Well, by the dirt 'neath my nails I guess he knew I wouldn't lie
 He said, "I guess you're tired," he said it kinda sly
 I said, "Yes, ten thousand miles today I drove"
 He said, "I got a bed for you underneath the stove
 Just one condition an' you can go to sleep right now
 That you don't touch my daughter
 And in the morning, milk the cows"
 I was sleepin' like a rat when I heard something jerkin'
 There stood Rita, lookin' just like Tony Perkins
 She said, "Would you like to take a shower?
 I'll show you up to the door"
 I said, "Oh, no, no, I've been through this before"
 I knew I had to split, but I did not know how
 When she said, "Would you like to take that shower now?"
 Well, I couldn't leave unless the old man chased me out
 'Cause I'd already promised that I'd milk his cows
 I had to say something to strike him very weird
 So I yelled, "I like Fidel Castro and his beard"
 Rita looked offended, but she got out of the way
 As he came chargin' down the stairs
 Sayin', "What's that I heard you say?"
 I said, "I like Fidel Castro, I think you heard me right"
 And I ducked as he swung at me with all his might
 Rita mumbled somethin' 'bout her mother on the hill
 As his fist had hit the icebox, he said he's gonna kill me
 If I don't get out the door in two seconds flat
 "You unpatriotic, rotten doctor, commie rat"
 Well, he threw a Reader's Digest at my head and I did run
 I did a somersault as I seen him get his gun
 And crashed through the window at a hundred miles an hour
 And landed fully blast in his garden flowers
 Rita said, "Come back" and he started to load
 The sun was comin' up and I was runnin' down the road
 Well, I don't figure I'll be back there for a spell
 Even though Rita moved away and got a job at a motel
 He still waits for me, constant, on the sly
 He wants to turn me in to the F.B.I.
 Me, I romp and stomp, thankful as I romp
 Without freedom of speech I might be in the swamp