Otto Titsling - Live at the Improv

Otto Titsling, inventor and Kraut,
 Had nothing to get very worked up about
 His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak
 He fled to the opera at least twice a week
 One night at the opera he saw an Aida
 Whose bust was so big it would often impede her
 Bug-eyed, he watched her fall into the pit,
 Done in by the weight of those terrible tits
 Oh my god! Thar she blows!
 Aerodynamically this girl was a mess.
 Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
 And he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
 Flood his soul. He ran back to his workshop
 Where he futzed and futzed and futzed
 For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
 To lift and mold the female breast
 To point the small ones to the sky
 To keep the big ones high and dry
 Every night he'd sweat and snort
 Searching for the right support
 He tried some string and paper clips
 Hey! He even tried his own two lips!
 Well, he stitched and he slaved,
 He slaved and he stitched
 Until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
 Otto arose from his workbench triumphant
 Yes! He had invented the world's first
 Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.
 Hooray!
 Exhausted but ecstatic, Otto ran
 Out to the diva bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
 Now, the diva did not wanna try the darn thing on.
 But, after many initial mishaps,
 She finally did.
 And the sigh of relief that issued forth
 From her mouth
 Was so loud that it was mistaken by some
 To be the early onset of the Seraken Winds
 Which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
 With a vengeance!
 Ahhhhh!
 But little did Otto know,
 At the moment of his greatest triumph,
 Lurking under the diva's bed
 Was none other than the very worst
 Of the French patent thieves,
 Phillip DeBrassiere.
 And Phil was watching the scene
 With a great deal of interest!
 Later that night, while the Brunhilda slept,
 Into the wardrobe Phillip softly crept
 He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
 Till he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door
 Crying, "Oh my god! What joy! What bliss!
 "I'm gonna make me a million from this!
 "Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
 "I will have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."
 The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
 Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?