Army

Well, I thought about the army
 Dad said, "Son, you're fucking high"
 And I thought, "Yeah, there's a first for everything"
 So I took my old man's advice
 Three sad semesters
 It was only $15,000 spent in bed
 I thought about the army
 I dropped out and joined a band instead
 ♪
 Grew a mustache and a mullet
 Got a job at Chick-Fil-A
 Citing artistic differences
 The band broke up in May
 And in June, reformed without me
 And they got a different name
 I nuked another Grandma's apple pie
 And hung my head in shame, no
 ♪
 Been thinking a lot today
 Been thinking a lot today
 
 Oh, think I'll write a screenplay
 Oh, think I'll take you to L.A
 Oh, think I'll get it done yesterday
 Aw, shit
 ♪
 In this time of introspection
 On the eve of my election
 I say to my reflection
 "God, please spare me more rejection"
 'Cause my peers, they criticize me
 And my ex-wives all despise me
 Try to put it all behind me
 But my redneck past is nipping at my heels
 Thinking a lot today
 Been thinking a lot today
 Been thinking a lot today
 I thought about the army