Funny Girl - Broadway - I'm The Greatest Star

(Ladies and gentlemen)
 (In this evening's performance, the role of Fanny Brice will be played by Barbra Streisand)
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 (Mr. Ryan?)
 (Oh, listen)
 (Look, um...)
 (Suppose all you ever had for breakfast was onion rolls)
 (Now, all of a sudden, one-one, in walks a bagel)
 (I mean, you take a look and you just say "What is that?")
 (Until you try it, that's my trouble, I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls)
 (Nobody recognizes me, listen!)
 I got 36 expressions
 "Sweet as pie" to "tough as leather"
 And that's six expressions more than all them Barrymores put together
 Instead of just kicking me, why don't they give me a lift?
 Well, it must be a plot
 'Cause their scared that I got such a gift
 Well, I'm miffed
 'Cause I'm
 The greatest star
 I am by far
 But no one knows it, wait
 They're gonna hear a voice
 A silver flute
 They'll cheer each toot
 (Hey, that kid is too)
 When I expose it
 (Now can't you see to look at me that)
 I'm a natural Camille
 As Camille I just feel
 I've so much to offer
 (Hey, listen kid I know I'd be divine because)
 I'm a natural cougher
 Some ain't got it, not a lump
 I'm a great, big clump of talent
 Laugh
 They'll bend in half
 (Have you heard the story about the traveling salesman?)
 A thousand jokes
 (Stick around for the jokes)
 A thousand faces
 I reiterate
 When you're gifted, then you're gifted
 These are facts
 I've got no axe to grind
 Hey, what a day blind
 In all of the world so far
 I'm the greatest star
 Who is the pip with pizzazz?
 Who is all ginger and jazz?
 Who is as glamorous as?
 Who's an American beauty rose?
 With an American beauty nose
 And ten American beauty toes?
 Eyes on the target and wham!
 One shot, on gunshot and bam!
 Hey Mister Sixman
 Here I am
 I'm the greatest star
 I am by far
 But no one knows it
 That's why I was born
 I'll blow my horn
 'Til someone blows it
 I'll light up like a light
 Right up like a light
 I'll flicker then flare up
 All the world's gonna stare up
 Looking down you'll never see me
 Try the sky 'cause that'll be me
 I can make them cry
 I can make them sigh
 Someday they'll clamor for my drama
 Have you guessed yet?
 Who's the best yet?
 If y'all ain't, I'll tell you one more time
 You'll bet your last dime
 In all of the world so far
 I'm the greatest, greatest
 Star