'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
 When all through the house
 Not a body was stirring
 Did I say a mouse?
 My stockings were hung by the chimney with care
 In the hopes that my new man soon will be there
 And my bro and his diddy, and I and my cat
 I just settled down for a long winter's nap
 When out of the lawn there rose such a clatter
 I said, "Mmm, I ain't hardly get to see what was the matter"
 But to my wandering eyes, what should appear?
 A silver and black Bentley for my Christmas cheer
 With a sharp and fine man stepping lively and quick
 I knew immediately it was not St. Nick
 And right through my front door, he came with a bound
 He was dressed in black diamond from up to down
 A bundle of gifts he had, and what did I get?
 As I squealed opening the package, the same old sh-!
 "I'm not ungrateful! You know that", I shouted
 As he backed out of the front door, my sincerity, he doubted
 But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
 "Hey! You hell of a woman"
 I said, "Child, you're right!", ahaha