The Ball

Prince Sebastian looks almost handsome
 Not as handsome as the baker
 Will you shut up for five minutes about the baker, Adele?
 How do you expect to marry a prince when you insist on being the town bicyclette?
 Have you seen a girl with dark hair arrive?
 Dark hair?
 Darling, no one has had dark hair since they burned that girl at the stake for
 Well, having dark hair
 She must be here somewhere
 Look, why don't just dance with one of these girls?
 They've all made such an effort
 Those two over there are particularly fetching, don't you think?
 Sebastian, the wedding is tomorrow
 You have to announce your bride at midnight!
 I know you're cross but there really isn't any time to sulk
 So while you wait for this mystery girl of yours, why not give another girl a spin?
 You might be surprised
 Dance
 Now
 Thank you, my saucisson
 I feel like I'm on the auction block and on display
 Or more like I'm the favorite dish at a buffet
 My options look as good to me as tooth decay
 And she isn't here
 Meanwhile bimbos are beckoning
 And she has yet to appear
 As I evade this hit parade of imbeciles
 One thing's clear, she's not here
 I don't know what everyone's talking about
 How do you mean?
 You're not that bad up close
 And it's not like I meant to promise my first born to Rumpelstiltskin
 It could happen to anyone
 And if we have a girl I want her to be called Sunlight
 And if we have a boy I want him to be called Storm
 And if we have a-
 How rich are you?
 Um
 I'm just trying to work out if it's worth it
 Wow
 My shaky grip on sanity in crumbling
 And soon I will be married off and crowned the king
 The ticking clock inside my head is deafening
 And she isn't here
 All this ceaseless unpleasantry
 Small talk, banal talk so drear
 The princesses, the bourgeoisie, the peasantry
 All small beer and she's not here
 Try not to say anything idiotic, Adele
 Your majesty
 I'm not supposed to mention the baker
 Or how handsome he is
 Oh, for God's sake
 Marie, intervene
 Hello, your majesty
 Can I tell you a secret?
 I've always thought you were so much more handsome than your brother
 Than my brother?
 Who was voted Most Handsome Man in Europe?
 Was he?
 Well, looks aren't everything
 No? So what is it you like about me then?
 Um, your spirit?
 My spirit? And what is it about my spirit that you like?
 All of it?
 Nice try
 Midnight's my time of reckoning
 I'm filled with dread and with fear
 And that is why I keep my eye upon the door
 Still it's clear, she's not here
 Woah!
 I'd like to give her the crown jewels!
 Oi, love, there's a scepter over here that needs polishing
 Who the hell is that?
 I've never seen here before
 Who is that little tart?
 I don't know, but she's so pretty
 Pretty vulgar, look at those frightful shoes
 Sebastian, look at that girl
 You can't possibly say there aren't options
 Mother, she looks exactly the same as every other girl here
 And just as grasping and boring and vapid as the rest of them
 For somebody who claims to have so much distain for his high station
 You are a snob, Sebastian
 I told you, I'm waiting for someone and that's not her
 Mother, I can't do this
 There is no medicine, no herbal sedative that can get me through this
 Pack of coyotes upon me at feeding time
 Breathless and braindead from all the inbreeding
 I'd like to rephrase that, they're jackals, I'm pleading
 Just dance with them
 Darling, dance with them
 Look at this new girl as if right on cue
 I said dance with her
 Fine, I'll dance with her
 What do you think of my new look?
 Ugh, please don't
 What?
 I don't want to talk, alright
 I'm done talking, let's just get this over and done with
 Have I done something to annoy you?
 Not you particularly, no
 But all of you in general? Yes
 "All of us"?
 Girls, shamelessly throwing themselves at me
 In your dreams, and you asked me to come here
 Hate to break it to you, love, but I was made to ask everyone
 Well then why are you so shocked that we came?
 I'm not shocked, I'm just depressed by the whole thing
 And by the way, your highness
 None of these girls in interested in you, you know that, right?
 They are all straining to pretend they like you
 Well you're not doing a great job, let me tell you
 Good
 You're a jerk and arrogant
 I came close to marrying you out of pity
 Oh my god, you're delusional
 You think you're hot stuff, you're not quite that pretty
 With each shared opinion your chances are shrinking
 Miss, you've had enough of whatever your drinking
 And if I'm the prize, there no chance you'll win it
 Excuse me, I must choose a bride in one minute
 These bloody shoes
 That girl can't walk in those ridiculous shoes of here
 Is she drunk?
 Oh, can I drink, mama? I want to be that drunk?
 Absolutely not, you're bad enough sober
 She's not drunk, she can't walk in heels
 There's only one girl in town who doesn't know how to walk in heels
 It seems we have a most unwelcome guest here
 An interloper whom I cannot bear
 How can she think we are unaware?
 Well, I know who she is
 What's she doing here? She always ruins everything
 There's no time to lose, where's the prince?
 Go and kiss him
 If he sees she's here then our plan will not float
 Now! There isn't any time, now!
 Well, it appears we have our bride
 What? Wait!
 Mademoiselle Adele de la Plage!
 Adele? No
 And what a beauty she is, too, the perfect choice
 Excuse me, please let me out of here
 I can't breathe, oh, this dress
 Ladies and gentlemen, please bow down for your future king and queen
 Prince Sebastian and the future Princess Adele
 Cinderella? Oh no, wait, please
 Leave me alone
 I didn't know it was you, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you
 You look so different
 So you fell into my step-sister's mouth?
 No, she kissed me!
 Enough, enough of your excuses
 Why don't you take responsibility for once?
 This is your bed, lie in it
 Hey, just stop
 God, these shoes are killing me
 Don't you dare touch me
 We're done
 Whatever this is, it's over
 I never want to see you again
 Please don't say that