In Our Haunted House

Mwahahahahaha! Welcome, boys... Come right in.
 (screaming)
 Please come in, you're welcome here
 Mind the cobwebs and the bones
 May we invite you to spend the night?
 Make yourself at home
 Step this way, here's the living room
 (Though "dead" room is more correct)
 'Cause there hasn't been a living soul here
 Since grandpa broke his neck
 In our haunted house
 We'll treat you like one of us
 But in our haunted house
 That could be hazardous
 Browse around the kitchen,
 Have a spoon or a knife (?)
 You must excuse those "ketchup" stains...
 We ate someone last night
 Here is your big bedroom, dears
 (You'll love the creaky bed!)
 You'll sleep just fine, but when you wake
 You still may feel half dead
 In our haunted house
 The mother is a ghost
 The upstairs maid's been buried for years
 And the chauffeur's comatose!
 In our haunted house
 Our hospitality is something of which we're very proud
 (Oh! Do you take poison in your tea?)
 Don't let the spider webs mess up your hair
 Don't mind the piano playing with no one there
 The crumbling bookshelves covered with dust
 One or two headless bodies, what's all the fuss?
 The dreadful pounding, the screams and moans
 It's just a typical night at home...
 (In our haunted house! Things come through the walls!
 You might see sights that chill the soul! Be sure to wear a shawl!)
 (We'd love you! Do come in! Stay a while and play...)
 (Once you finally settle in, you'll never go away!)
 (We'll make sure of that...)
 (evil laughter)
 In our haunted house
 (screams)
 In our haunted house
 In our haunted house...
 In our haunted house...
 In our haunted house...
 Our haunted house...
 In our haunted house...
 (fades out)