I Want It, What I Wanted

You can see I'm struggling
 It's starting to feel like I'm stuck
 I want it, what I wanted
 When I felt like I was standing at the summit of the highest mountain
 And free time is more hard-won freedom
 I take for granted and I never use well
 I want it, what I wanted
 When I felt like inspiration wasn't trickling but a flowing fountain
 But I've made it out this far
 I've always faced it all
 I've found my way through some trying days
 And all I want is more
 It's a good thing I'm so ready
 Because this is the year I sink or swim
 I want it, what I wanted
 When I knew that healthcare that I
 could afford was something I could count on
 And this time,
 I don't even know if I can really
 tell myself that everything will be okay
 I want it, what I wanted
 When I knew that my own voice
 singing inside my head was pleasant sounding
 But I've made it out this far
 I've always faced it all
 I've found my way through some trying days
 And all I want is more
 Because give me one clear shot
 Make it and win, or miss and lose big
 And I'll blow it off to binge watch shows so bad they make me cringe
 Better to get me on a train with a notebook and no phone
 En route to somewhere where I can sing this song all night
 And I'll effortlessly find and clear the hurdles in my mind
 I'll beg if I have to
 I know that you can't write a fairy tale for me
 I want it, what I wanted
 When I said that this was something I
 was going to do with help or without it
 And this takes time, but we're not immortal,
 so how can we ever know how much we really have to spare?
 I want it, what I wanted
 When I said it's always possible
 that I could fail, but I still doubt it