Effortless

I'm trying not to try so hard,
 Makes me wonder if it's really effortless,
 Or if I'm fooling myself?
 'Cause if I have to put so much of me
 Into trying not to care,
 Where am I then?
 I'm lying.
 And do you see the way I walk away?
 I never really know what I should say,
 So it comes out wrong,
 If it comes out at all.
 So I straighten myself out,
 I bring me back down,
 "Don't be ridiculous,
 You are so wrong."
 But then I'm drifting,
 On a wave of thought.
 I get lost in the tides,
 And I can barely recognize myself.
 I don't mind,
 'Cause do you see the way I walk away?
 I never really know what I should say,
 So it comes out wrong,
 If it comes out at all.
 So I try to act the way I would
 If I was someone that wasn't me.
 But you wipe that away, don't you?
 And I am falling down,
 I am tripping on words,
 I am out of my mind.
 You know, this is not like me.
 I'm not usually happy, I swear.
 And do you see the way I walk away?
 I never really know what I should say
 So it comes out wrong.
 And I turn my back
 And I don't look back.
 I am unafraid...
 ...but really I'm just kidding.
 I'm terrified,
 And I think I like it.
 And I don't care if I look ridiculous,
 Trying to be effortless.