Furlough

A demon in my father's eyes, the reason that my mother cries
 I've got so far to go for good
 A monster in a soft disguise, it fosters all this foolish pride
 A cross to bear left where I stood
 Break my spirit to see how it feels
 Too calloused to fear it or how it heals
 Another story forms the ideal
 Just something to bury out in the field
 Florescent with a dim surprise, guessing it's all in their eyes
 Sometimes I want out for good
 Dramatic as the evening sky, emphatic with the whitest lie
 The cross to bear now trickles blood
 Break my spirit to see how it feels
 Too calloused to fear it or how it heals
 Another story forms the ideal
 Just something to bury out in the field
 She tried to shape me, make me better
 I was a blanket getting wetter
 Every word she said imploring, but new paths weren't worth exploring
 Lost my chance to try to meet her in the middle
 Slipped into the ether
 Slipping ever slowly past me snapping back like broke elastic
 In the comfort of deranged become part of the sick change
 In dying from this trying
 In this furlough, rearrange
 I tried my best to hurt you, never felt the threat of virtue
 In a fountain near the ocean, saw a face there fully frozen
 Daring me to dive back in to a sinful world of skin to swim
 Wake up one day battered, know my actions never mattered
 Flight stalling, ego falling, crashing back with clockwork clatter
 Take this shovel and dig harder
 Dig a hole and I'll go farther
 I won't accept it or reject it, I'm just tinder for the starter
 I'll be here on the ground just wishing for the water
 Cast a dragnet on the stagnant shore
 Find and fix this putrid core
 Discover a value and grasp to heal
 Gather the stallions, ride through the field
 I'm just tinder for the starter, I'll be here on the ground wishing for the water
 I'm just tender from the slaughter, wishing for some water